#sorrynotsorry

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Sonny and I use public transport in London every time we see each other. Sometimes it’s a bus, sometimes a tube, or if we are feeling real fancy it’s a boat (we went on the Thames Clipper once). There was also a failed attempt at getting him on the Emirates Air Line, which we are definitely going to have a second go at in the future. As much as it pains me to say it, despite all the traumatic experiences I have had on London public transport, and all the personal issues I have against it, (like being my main reason for being late to pretty much everything) it has done wonders for Son.

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If it’s the bus (usually the bus 82) I give Son my oyster card and he swipes it because he likes seeing the little red dot turn green. After having spent nearly two years telling him to say hello to the driver, he sometimes does it without being prompted. Then I give him the choice of where to sit and it’s usually, ‘up-de-stairs-peash.’ (up the stairs please) so we go upstairs straight to the back because that is where the cool kids go.

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If he is feeling sociable we chat about what we can see, what the weather is like etc, but most of the time he sits quietly holding my hand or flapping his hands on the window. When there is someone sitting in front of him I spend the journey trying to prevent him from stroking their hair.

On the tube we go up and down the escalators three or four times before we get to the platform. We always wave at the driver as the tube comes in. Once we are on, I spend time trying to get him to stop licking the poles people hold on to. He sometimes finds it too loud or crowded, so I give him lots of cuddles.

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We sit weirdly, we make strange and loud noises, we use sign language sometimes, and we (I) take a lot of selfies. But being on a bus or a tube allows us to learn about the world we live in, the different houses, the different people, and most importantly, gets us to anywhere we want to go.

Aside from the fact that being on a bus or train is a great learning experience for Sonny, I think it has some importance on a larger scale. The only way of challenging the social stigmas and views that are attached to autism is to not be influenced by them. If I didn’t take Son on a bus to avoid making other people uncomfortable or to avoid feeling embarrassed myself, then I am only perpetuating the view that autism is something to be feared or shamed or pitied. It makes me think that sometimes, an attitude can be just as disabling as a disability itself.

I understand people don’t understand, and I understand it isn’t someone’s fault for not knowing anything about autism, or even caring about it. That’s fine.

Sometimes people stare at us, sometimes people roll their eyes, and sometimes they say stupid stuff to me (someone once referred to Sonny as a mean boy). That’s not so fine.

But those reactions on some level make me feel like I should apologise for him. Like ‘Oh I am so sorry he is making a noise, or he is making you feel weird or he is lying on the floor.’ But I never do because I don’t think that is right. I just say ‘he has autism’.

He is how he is and that’s that. I won’t apologise to someone for him just being him. He has nothing to be sorry about. And he has just as much right to be on a bus or tube or anywhere else as any other city dweller.

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Sonny Blew a Kiss!

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Despite the weather, I wanted to take Sonny to South Bank, as there was some sort of children’s festival going on. Unfortunately, Sonny took zero interest in the festival. Literally none. There was a stage and someone doing some sort of show. Loads of kids all sitting down listening and laughing. Sonny took one look at all this organised fun and tried to drag me out. There were a few areas for children, and I took Sonny into one, where there was drawing and painting and making things. This is basically his worst nightmare, but also my idea of a dream. As soon as he saw children sitting down quietly he said, ‘no. I want this way’ and pointed to the door.

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So I was feeling kind of upset that my plan hadn’t worked. (This happens a lot, so I always have a plan B. I sometimes have to make use of plan C and plan D too. Not today though.) My plan B was not much of a plan at all, but just to cut about on South Bank and watch the street entertainment. We made friends with a woman in gold. Sonny stared at her for ages. Every time someone put money in her hat she moved. I gave him some money and he went up and she shook his hand. I ended up giving the woman about a fiver because he liked her so much. When we walked away he said ‘ok, bye’ and HE BLEW HER A KISS and I nearly nearly cried. Obvs because it was cute and I was proud but also because I was little bit jel.

We watched a band, and we went on the merry go round. We also spent a lot of time talking about boats and bridges. I say talking, I mean I spoke to him about boats and bridges. And he would nod every so often.

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Also I stole one of his crisps and he said, ‘hey! Spit it out!’ Which was MAD because I had never heard him say that.

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