If At First You Don’t Succeed…

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It took about a year and half to get Sonny to say, ‘I want help please,’ using hand signs and words. He has become good at it now, but often uses it as a get clause when he can’t be bothered. Clever.

So you can imagine my surprise in a soft play centre the other day, when I was at the top of the slide and Sonny was trying really hard to climb up it (he had socks on). He tried and tried for about 10 minutes. He wasn’t really getting angry when he failed, just kept trying different ways until he eventually made it to the top. I felt a little bit mean videoing him from the top and not helping him out (Here’s the vid.)

Anything he does independently is a massive deal (he opened a crisp packet on his own the other day and I nearly passed out with excitement.) We have devised a sort of victory dance (it involves a sequence of very enthusiastic high fives, jumping, and shrill screaming) to celebrate anything he does on his own, which he seems to like!

I don’t want him to grow up thinking he can’t do something, just because he didn’t try, or because someone else did it for him.

I learnt how to ride a bike at the ripe old age of 19. I made a vague attempt when I was younger but couldn’t commit to the process. I gave up fairly quickly (never have been good with failure) and ever since just accepted the fact that I simply couldn’t do it. The only reason I can ride a bike now (only just, corners are an issue) is because I had some strong-willed friends at University.

Sonny needs more support than neuro-typical children obviously, but I want him to be able to ask for help in some situations, where he needs it, but I also want him to learn that when he puts his mind to something he can achieve it.

Who doesn’t love a trier, anyway?

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I’m Just Trying To Work Out How To Be Like Myself!

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 Sonny and I do weird stuff when we are out.

Sometimes we stand and watch water run from taps for a while after the toilet.

Sometimes we walk for 15 minutes in the wrong direction because Sonny is adamant it is the correct way, despite me showing him the map on my phone.

Sometimes we go up and down in a lift countless times.

These are all Sonny’s ideas, not mine! But when I take him out into the real world I am aware of how difficult it can be for Sonny.

Too much noise, too many people, too hot, too cold, too much space, too little space, etc. So sometimes even though it’s a bit unconventional, I allow him to do what he wants/needs to do on our days out to make him more comfortable, even if it does seem a little bit odd.

For example, we were at Battersea Park Zoo on Sunday, and it was really sunny and we saw all the animals and then went on the climbing frames outside for a while which was lovely. Then as we were on our way out, we went through the zoo’s shop. Some toy snakes caught Sonny’s attention. We sat on the floor and played with them for about half an hour. Sonny especially liked it when I made one of the snakes try to eat him. And then he got very involved with counting them (once he had asked me to put them all around his arms).

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Sometimes it is quite hard to not have an agenda of my own for the days out with Sonny, like I REALLY wanted to go outside and have a picnic, (when is there ever sun in March in England!?) instead of playing with snakes inside in the shop! But I wanted to let Sonny do what he needed to first, and then we went outside after. So I try not to interrupt these moments when he gets immersed in something that I wouldn’t even bat an eyelid to. After all, he is just learning about what he likes and doesn’t like. And I am just trying to understand that and understand him.

I remember working with him at school and obviously in that context there were many times he had to adapt to what the adults wanted him to do. But on the weekends and the time I spend with him, I think it is important for him to know he can use it in whichever way HE feels appropriate (to an extent. I would not accept him running around Battersea Park butt naked and stealing people’s food for example.) Because I think a lot of his frustration/anger/fear comes from not feeling in control. And to be fair I get pretty upset when I don’t feel in control.

And if people are constantly telling him what to do and how to play and what is good and what is bad he won’t work it out for himself and won’t know what he likes and doesn’t like. So basically I just try and allow him to be as much as himself as possible.

Often in his life he is made to adapt to our world and all the norms and social etiquettes that come with it, like putting clothes on, or looking at people in the eyes, or being told when he has to eat or to hold an adult’s hand etc. So I value the times when I can step into his world, when he shows me a little bit of what is going on in his busy brain. I feel like I know him better somehow after these moments. I feel like he knows himself better too.

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