If At First You Don’t Succeed…

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It took about a year and half to get Sonny to say, ‘I want help please,’ using hand signs and words. He has become good at it now, but often uses it as a get clause when he can’t be bothered. Clever.

So you can imagine my surprise in a soft play centre the other day, when I was at the top of the slide and Sonny was trying really hard to climb up it (he had socks on). He tried and tried for about 10 minutes. He wasn’t really getting angry when he failed, just kept trying different ways until he eventually made it to the top. I felt a little bit mean videoing him from the top and not helping him out (Here’s the vid.)

Anything he does independently is a massive deal (he opened a crisp packet on his own the other day and I nearly passed out with excitement.) We have devised a sort of victory dance (it involves a sequence of very enthusiastic high fives, jumping, and shrill screaming) to celebrate anything he does on his own, which he seems to like!

I don’t want him to grow up thinking he can’t do something, just because he didn’t try, or because someone else did it for him.

I learnt how to ride a bike at the ripe old age of 19. I made a vague attempt when I was younger but couldn’t commit to the process. I gave up fairly quickly (never have been good with failure) and ever since just accepted the fact that I simply couldn’t do it. The only reason I can ride a bike now (only just, corners are an issue) is because I had some strong-willed friends at University.

Sonny needs more support than neuro-typical children obviously, but I want him to be able to ask for help in some situations, where he needs it, but I also want him to learn that when he puts his mind to something he can achieve it.

Who doesn’t love a trier, anyway?

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Big Steps For Sonny At The Science Museum!

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Sonny and I went to the Science Museum this weekend, which was absolutely amazing! , and there was a massive place for water play too, it was quite busy, but Sonny didn’t seem to mind! We spent a long time looking at the aeroplanes, and we also watched a bubble show where they showed us loads of huge bubbles, Sonny got a bit annoyed though because there were lots of other children there, and it was too loud! He also loved all the things that lit up and flashed bright colours.

Sonny got a bit frustrated when we were queueing to watch the bubble show (his autism means he finds it difficult to wait for things that he wants.) He frequently gets cross when he has to wait for something, and if he doesn’t calm down quickly he gets more and more angry which can lead to him getting violent or running away.

I find it hard to know what to do when he gets frustrated: I don’t want him to think he shouldn’t ever get angry (because we all get angry sometimes!) but I also don’t want him to think he can get away with bad behaviour just because he is annoyed.

ANYWAY, a few weeks ago I tried something new when I could see he was on the edge…I said, ‘Sonny I know you are cross, and that’s ok, but lets do some deep breaths together and stay caaalllllm.’ The first few times I said all this he looked at me like I had totally lost the plot, and seemed really confused, but at the museum, when he started getting angry, I said, ‘Sonny I know you are cross, but…’

AND THEN he did some deep breaths and did the hand sign and said, ‘caaaallmmm.’ ALL BY HIMSELF!

I was super chuffed. It shows he has an awareness of how to change his mood, and to self soothe when he is cross (which, to be honest, lots of adults struggle to do!)

When we left the museum he started to get upset and say, ‘goodbye, see you soon’ while crying and waving. I asked him if he was happy or sad and he said sad with the Makaton sign. Then later on the bus when I was tickling him and making him laugh I asked him the same  and he said happy. A few months ago when I asked him that question he would always say happy, regardless of whether he was crying his heart out or laughing his head off.

Understanding emotions is hard for children with autism, and they often feel very intense emotions, that are difficult to control, so I am thrilled that Sonny is starting to understand his feelings and how to manage them. I suppose what we all want for our children is to be happy, but I think happiness is about being able to freely express ourselves and our feelings at any given time. I think Sonny is on his way!

If someone had told me two and half years ago that Sonny would be able to tell me how he felt and then also calm himself down when he is stressed I would of not believed them, it has taken a long time to get to where he is today, but days like this make it all worth it.

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